Working the system

3:30 a.m. 2002-01-02

so right about now, I have an hours worth of work left to do. Well, not really an hour, since I finished editing the shows around 11ish. But I needed something to do to take up the 6 hours I would be here, since I got to Fox at abt 10ish. So, while still clocked in, I went to Karen's house and chilled.

Having a night time job is fun as hell. Go to work while everyone else is coming home from work. And when I'm going home, it's the middle of the night and so few cars on the road.

Night time driving is so relaxing. Just me, my 240, whatever song on the radio, and my thoughts. I could just get lost in that maze up in my head at night.

I can't fully explain my feelings or why I experiance such emotions.

When I was little, I used to lay in my bed at night and wonder what the rest of Maryland was doing right now. If they were laying in their beds also, alone in their sleep. And what of those that are not? Where are they going, what are they doing, what are they feeling. Nights used to make me feel so lonely.

but it's not loneliness I feel... it's solitude. The two are quite different, mind you. Solitude is more on the side of wanting to be alone, while loneliness is being alone without a choice.

So I guess I'm in my solitude stage, wanting, feeding, needing to be alone. But just for those brief moments.

So as I drive, I'll be driving home in an hour of blissful solitude, until I arrive to my destination which is home and be lonely on my queen size bed, for it'll be the first time in a week that I've been away from Karen.

She's at home now, sleeping on her own bed, with Puppy, missing me I'm sure. And I'm sure she also knows I'm missing her as well.

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Stephen 
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I Am Jackie 
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